ICEY LADY!!!

New York in the summer is HOT. Like tropical hot. Like Africa hot.

My summer school classroom is not air conditioned, I know... boo hoo. Well it's still hot. It was so muggy this past Monday, I was sweating just standing in the play yard. Sweat was dripping down my arms. And I was just STANDING there.

But... fortunately New York has an abundance of people walking or driving around looking to sell you something to eat or drink.

Of course everyone knows the Good Humor man, or some other mobile food vendors, but something about the ones in New York make them special.

For example, today, I was so hot, but what do I see in the distance? A Spanish lady pushing an Italian Icey cart. Ohhhh mama. For $1 you get a decent sized cup of pure heaven. Cherry is my flavor. It was so sweet, so cold. I could have had 4 more.

Then there's Mister Softee . I've tried to explain to people in Maine about Mister Softee, but just saying, "It's a Dairy Queen in a truck," just doesn't do it justice. Not to mention, Mister Softee has more to do with my childhood than anything else I guess. When I'm home I hear the jingle... that unforgettable jungle... I think of M*A*S*H where Radar heard the choppers in the distance before anyone else. You hear the jingle, but you don't know where it's coming from. Will he come down your street tonight? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW! (Of course he does, he does every day.)

The thing about these little culinary pleasures is they are like gifts from the gods. You see the Icey lady, you HAVE to get one... you can not refuse. The gods would be insulted. You don't know when you'll see her next, your paths may never cross again. And Mister Softee, who knows if you'll be home the next time he drives up your street?

OK, I get it... it's a pathetic attempt to justify having sweets/treats in the middle of the day.

But it's summer. And the god's might not grace you with a visit from Mister Softee until next year.











Yeah, Mister Softee may look a bit freaky, but man does his noggin taste good. (Click on the link to hear a snippet of his jingle.)

Put up or shut up... scratch that... just shut up

There was an article in this weekend's New York Times about how a good number of teenagers feel that their high schools let them down. Basically the article stated that in this survey, high school teenagers felt that their high schools were too easy. This is problem number one that I have. Teenagers know NOTHING. They have a hard day and all of a sudden they HATE their teacher's guts. These are the wrong people to be asking about what they feel they need. I’m sorry, they don't know what they are talking about. They're teenagers... they're a notch above children.

Later on in the article, there is a quote - "A lot of business people and politicians have been saying that the high schools are not meeting the needs of kids," said Barbara Kapinus, a senior policy analyst for the National Education Association. "It's interesting that kids are saying it, too." This quote was from someone from the NEA??? OK, here is problem number two. Business people say we're not meeting the needs of KIDS??? BULLSHIT. They're not satisfied with the way we are meeting the needs of BUSINESSES. They are not satisfied with the worker-bee/drones we're churning out. My question is WHO THE ---- CARES WHAT ANY... ANY... ANNNNNNNNNNNNY BUSINESS PERSON HAS TO SAY ABOUT THE STATE OF EDUCATION? What to businesses contribute to schools? ZERO! Yet they want to have a say in the way it's run?There is one exception... Bill Gates. Bill Gates gave a butt-load of money to the NYC schools. The catch? They have to start charter schools.

So we get some dough from Gates, we try these schools out, maybe they'll work, maybe not. But its worth a start and it's on Mr. Gates' dime. At least he puts his money where his mouth is. Although some might say, NYC will go where EVER the money is. (People like me.) If I had the money to donate to NYC schools with a catch - that catch being that each student had to wear propeller beanies, guess what NYC students would be wearing come September.

Problem number 3 comes in the form of a philosophical quandary. I taught Romeo and Juliet this year. I would say 9,000 times I heard how boring the story was, how it sucked, and my personal favorite... "WHEN ARE WE EVER GOING TO USE ROMEO AND JULIET IN REAL LIFE?" Let me answer this to any person who has ever said this about something they have done in school that they didn't like.

You will probably NEVER use Romeo and Juliet in real life. In fact, the only person I know who uses Romeo and Juliet at their job... is me.

But knowing about Romeo and Juliet (or any other story/etc. for that matter) is not a matter of being able to tangibly use it in your future. But it most certainly does have value. It is called cultural capital.

The notion of cultural capital is that you have knowledge about your world, your culture that elevates you above the unwashed rabble. Some call it being “well-rounded.” I will ask my students, "Would you wear lime green, polyester bell-bottoms to school?" All say NO. Why? Because they already have an idea of cultural capital, even if they don’t know the actual definition. If they did wear those bell-bottoms, they would probably be teased. They know what they can or can not wear according to their culture.

So when I hear teenagers saying that schools don't give them what they need, to that I say they have no CLUE what they need. But business on the the other hand KNOWS what it needs and that scares me even more, because they will probably end up getting it.

Also, this picture was in the July 18 New York Times. Taken by James Estrin. Images of the Bronx in summer... this was my childhood and it is still going on today.

"Yo, I hear there a fight on 5..."

I know I tend to repeat myself. But I think I repeat myself because the things I observe tend to reinforce these statements I make. I wrote earlier about how these kids are indeed just that... kids. They are children. When I worked in Maine, I believe the reason the teacher and myself were so successful with our special ed. boys was because we let them stay "boys" just a little while longer. They saw that it was ok that WE were juvenile, so they felt safe being juvenile themselves. Unfortunately kids in the Bronx don't have the luxury of staying kids as long as they would like.

As a result, there are many fights in my school. MANY fights. Some are little scuffles... but some develop into outright riots which are like a tidal wave and you can't move against it. These fights might include multiple scraps and of course there are the onlookers who make it that much worse.

Believe it or not, some of the worst fights are girls. Girl fights tend to be bad because that's when the onlooker factor skyrockets. When two guys fight, there are definitely spectators, but if there's word it's two girls, kids will run out of their classrooms to see it. Actually, one of my proudest moments as a teacher was when there was a fight in my hallway, the first fight I remember seeing at my school, and NONE of my juniors ran out of the room, or even GOT OUT OF THEIR SEATS! I was so happy about that.

So as a result of all these fights and various other security issues, we are supposed to have phones in our rooms. On my floor we went a whole year without a phone in our room. So if there was any kind of issues, we had to get out our cell phones and call security. Once again, dad's voice rings in my head.

The two scariest moments I had working in my school, and believe me, there haven't been many scary moments - in fact, there are pretty much the only two - involved fights that spilled into my room.

During my 4th period freshman class, there was a knock on the door. I answer it:

"Yeah, I need to talk to E. - he's my cousin."

"Well you can't talk to him now - we're in the middle of class."

I close the door and go back to my class. I then notice about 20 people collecting in front of my door. I didn't think they were ALL his cousins. In fact, I highly doubted that first kid was his cousin anymore. Called security on my cell phone and they took E. out of my room to talk to him. E. didn't make it to the end of the year, he transferred to another school.

Another time is when some kids were after J. and they DID manage to get into my room. That was even scarier, because there were probably 10 kids in the room after one kid, and there was nothing I could do. I played cool and acted indignant and for some reason that worked - they left.

We're told not to break up fights. It's not "our job." That's what these security agents are for. Security agents look and talk and act like NYPD... but make no mistake - they are not cops. They're the muscle of the school and if I'm not mistaken do have the power to charge a kid. But it’s their jobs to get in the middle of a fight and physically break it up. I have heard many students say that these security agents actually escalate kids, rather than de-escalate them. In special ed. we were taught not to get in "power struggles." You, as an adult, emotionally "walk away" from some issue and it takes the wind out of the kids’ sails. They have nothing to go on. Well these security agents, they're not interested in just ending a beef and having a kid go on his or her way, they want you to know they are right. (This works in any situation. Most fights occur... let's say between a married couple or two family members... the fight isn't about an actual issue, but who is right and who is going to come out "victorious." If you have a genuine issue don't make such a case out of it and chances are you will get what you want in a less traumatic way... I'll elaborate on this another time...)

One of the fights that really stand out to me is one day toward the end of the year, there was a "girl fight." And these two girls were going at it down the hall from my room. I happened to have a free period at this moment, so I stepped out to see what was going on, hearing that familiar roar of a fight.

The two fighting girls were actually moving as they were fighting, to right in front of my room. As they did, I was able to step in between and in one fluid motion I was able to step in between and guide the girl facing me right into my room. But the most fascinating thing about it was usually you see the posturing going on right to the end. "You're lucky this teacher is here, Imma KICK YOUR ASS...." etc. In this incident, this girl's body language spoke volumes. As I stepped between them and guided this girl into my room away from the crowd, her body language said, "OK, I am going into your room and thank you for saving me." There was no resistance and she in fact hurried in my room.

When I talked to another teacher about this later on, he said he wasn't surprised. He said that often times they want to be "saved" from fights. He said he has seen fights where the kids were screaming and yelling at each other but nothing physical started until adults got there and could break it up.

As I said... Children indeed.

You're older than you think...

It's my second week in "summer school." I'm beginning to understand what this program is exactly. In order to not be sent to a lame "regular" school, NYC junior high school kids take a test to get into a "specialized" high school. Meaning a school which is "better" than say... MY high school. So my job is to prep them somewhat for this test.

Normally I don't dig a class like this... I'm all about opening minds, expanding horizons... challenging people's beliefs. NOT THIS SUMMER PAL! This summer I am TOTALLY ok with checking my brain at the door and just following the workbook. No grading, no reading papers, I get out at noon. Done August 4. It's a sweet gig.

One thing I did notice, the staff of the "regular" summer school at the place I work is downright rude to the kids. While that may be OK for the flunkie kids who are there because they screwed around in the school year, I will NOT tolerate them talking to MY cherubs like they're juvenile delinquents. These are SMART kids who WANT to be here. Well, of course they don't WANT to, who wants to be in school in the summer, but they know it may help them to be here.

And its amazing how young these kids are. It's an eye opener to this cynical, high school English teacher. I have two classes, one group of 6th graders, another is 7th graders. My what a difference a year makes. The 6th graders are SWEETHEARTS - every one of them. They are bright-eyed, excited, anxious, ready, curious... The seventh graders? It's like the hormones have been injected into them and their energy has all gone sour.

The other day, I asked one of my sixth grader girls if she did anything fun the night before.

"Yeah... we went to Toys R Us last night and I got a Barbie."

WHOA.

Then the 7th graders I have mope in... what a bunch of miserable bastards! And it stays this way until 11th grade when as I say, they "become human." Grades 7, 8, 9 and part of 10 (they're just getting out of it) are just hellish. In the 11th grade, they start becoming the adults they are going to be, and you can talk to them, joke around with them... and the hostility is at a minimum.

I still wonder at how young they are. Ages 11... 12... 13... Ugh... I feel so old.

The Process Part II, The Fellow Strikes Back

OK, you hopefully read the first part of my saga. The interview process, etc. What they don't quite make clear though when you're getting into the system is that even though you have been accepted to the program and you are "guaranteed" a job, you don't REALLY have a job.

See my little "air-quotes" up there? Well there's a reason for them. The word "guarantee" means that they can 99.999% assure you that enough people will be fed up with the system and leave vacancies that you will be filling.

That means that there is no REAL position for you, but they know that turnover is so high, they don't think twice about hiring TWO THOUSAND TEACHERS the year that I enlisted. That number is simply staggering. And that's not counting the handful of teachers who were hired outright... meaning NOT as Fellows. As I said earlier... the school district I worked at in Maine had ONE English vacancy last year. And chances are there won't be another one for YEARS. My school hired ELEVEN new English teachers this year alone. Just astounding.

So when you become a Fellow, they "guarantee" you'll get a job. It's up to YOU however to find it. But they don't quite tell you how.

Oh, of course they have job fairs. The one job fair I went to was in mid-May of last year. A pointless effort I found out, because no schools could make any job offers, as current staff have until May 31 to decide if they want to transfer to another school. (I can hear dad now...)

The pre-service training begins and no joke, you're WAY too tired to go hoofing around the Bronx to look for a job. Not to mention if you also have to find an apartment, it makes it that much tougher. (I had to do both.)

The Bronx is divided up into two Regions - 1 and 2. I was hired for Region 1. And we were told, you ONLY look for jobs in your Region. ONLY LOOK FOR JOBS IN YOUR REGION. As the summer was coming to a close, I didn't have a job yet. The person in charge of the Fellows for the Bronx said there was a job fair at the school I'm working at now.

"But it's in Region 2. I am only allowed to look for jobs in Region 1," I dutifully told her.

"Who said that?" she asked.

"Well, everyone."

"NAH, that's not true. You can look anywhere you want in the city."

Once again. My father's voice echoes. The fact that we are told this is a HARD and FAST rule. ETCHED IN STONE! You can ONLY LOOK FOR A JOB IN YOUR REGION. Even my Fellow advisor was taken off guard by this obvious bending of the rule.

But I have to say, she was right. I went to the school, interviewed with several schools who were there, including MY SCHOOL'S Assistant Principal of English. He said he'll be making a decision in the very near future, but he liked me, so I had a good shot. I was excited. It was a high school, which is what I wanted all along - not a middle school, which some of my classmates went to work for. Not in a million years did I want to work in a middle school. Brrrr, I get shivers just thinking about it.

Later that day, I get a phone call. My A.P. says he would like me to come in for a second interview, with the PRINCIPAL no less. I agree and in a few days I'm heading back to the school for a second interview. When I get there, the principal is nowhere to be found, and my A.P. is running around like a madman. "What am I getting myself into," I think to myself.

When I finally get to meet with my A.P. he promptly begins the second interview - WITHOUT the principal to boot. Here is a transcript of that interview in its entirety. Enjoy.

"Do you want to work here?"

"Yes."

"OK, you're hired."

And there you have it. As dad would say... ("New York City...")

Now, to be fair, it's not as if he just hired anybody off the street... remember, Fellows are super-scrutinized even before they get in the door for an INTERVIEW, let alone before they are actually given a slot in the program, so he knew that whoever he hired, if he or she was a Fellow, they've been given the once over more than once.

When you're a Fellow, you sort of have a "green light." All the coach has to do is sign you on, because you're already been, as Mr. Guthrie would say, "injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected." All your principal or assistant principal has to do is sign the paper and BAM, you've got a job as a teacher.

Another one bites the dust

Here's an example of New York City at its finest.

A NYC Social Studies teacher who resigned because he got in trouble for taking 11 days off to be a professional wrestler. He says, "I would have been better off beating a kid, because those teachers always seem to keep their jobs."

To clarify... if you ever do something "wrong," like say... hit or touch a kid inappropriately... they send you to the "rubber room" in the Regional Office. In this "rubber" room, which is not rubber obviously, but really just a waiting room, you sit and do nothing and get paid. People read, do crossword puzzles, etc. But they are still collecting their checks. Here's a New York Times article that gives the details of the dreaded "rubber room."

But about the wrestling guy? I can see their problem with him using sick days for personal gain, but give him a slap on the wrist. He's a teacher... and it seems the kids like him. If he can connect with them on wrestling, why not?

Teaching Fellows - The Process part I

Teaching Fellows - The Process - Part I

For those interested in becoming a teacher in New York City - it's not that difficult a process. In fact, if they could, they would hire a monkey to do our job. It would cost them less and maybe they might get better results. ("That's New York City for ya... They were tryin' to hire monkeys when I was in school.")

Actually, it was January 2004 when I decided that I would try for the Fellows program. By June I was in my pre-service training. How many humans did I talk to during the course of my application? ONE.

That's right. I applied online. Signed up for the licensing tests online. Corresponded via e-mail. The only thing I didn't do online was my interview. But I did sign up for it online. When you apply, you sign up initially on the Fellows page. Send in your information, reams of paper, several copies of everything... Then, you wait to see whether you make it to the interview segment. If you do, you then sign up for an interview - online of course. It is on this date you will meet your first human in the entire process.

By the way, the interview is not just an interview. It's called an "interview event." They call it an interview event because the damn thing lasts all day.

You have to give a sample lesson - 5 minutes long - but you have to sit through 10 other people's lessons in your interview group plus questions and feedback. Then, you have a problem solving meeting and you are observed during that. That's a chunk of time. Then you have your individual interview, which is a half hour, but you could be waiting for all the other interview people. Luckily, I fibbed slightly and told them I had to drive back to Maine. Which was half true. I was driving back later that day.

They must have liked my interview, because I bamboozled them enough to offer me a position.

SUCKERS!

Or am I the sucker???

When I found out that I had gotten the position with the Fellows program, I had real sense of dread. I really didn't want to leave Maine. I gave my notice to my school. "Please," I said, "keep me in Maine." My school couldn't help me. I wasn't "permanently certified" in Maine, only "conditionally," so most schools can't do nothin' for ya. Not that they can't... they just won't. I applied to a private school in southern Maine and for that ONE English position, they had over 100 applicants.

I kept up hope, but it gets down to the wire and I don't get any jobs that will keep me in Maine. The move back to the Bronx is about to become a reality. I am dreading this move more and more, but I know it is allegedly "for the best."

So June 21 comes... I am down in NYC... Lincoln Center. A 9,000 hour ceremony later, I'm meeting my "cohort" the other suckers who will be teaching in the Bronx for the next few years. Eight intensive weeks later of graduate classes, summer school and fellow advisory classes and according to the City of New York, I'm ready to teach High School!

Oh, did I mention... there's one other catch. You HAVE TO FIND YOUR OWN JOB! Stay tuned for Part II of "The Process."

More summer school drama...

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